The image below is titled good vs. evil by Gtako , but I interpreted the image differently: ying yang and sometimes the pull is greater than the other. This text post is the struggle to accept both good and bad within oneself – or to even begin to look at the “bad” within ourselves and to not interpret it as so.
“Don’t you find it…ironic? I really killed so much people…I may really be an atrocious mass murderer, but i still don’t consider the number of people I killed to be something big…But I becoming a murderer was not because of my ideology, nor because of my view on values. If I’m left without human blood, I’ll die, as simple as that…I became what I am because of the bloodthirsty providence… I’m a murderer, after all. But I’ve done nothing bad. All I did was feed myself. If I hadn’t, I would have starved to death. Would it have been better that way? Am I evil because I didn’t let myself starve to death. I didn’t willing become such a creature. But if I have a life, shouldn’t I treasure it? Is that a sin?Is this what it means to be abandoned by God?”
– Sunako Kirishiki (Shiki)
Response: “God never says a thing. God’s silence has nothing to do with life or death.“
I’m not as intuitive as I wish, but I can hear my spirit guides speaking to me within literature, films and anime. I believe it’s because I am alone and I have time to ponder to see and hear the thoughts my spirit guides wish to communicate to me.
Sunako, a vampire in the anime Shiki, struggles with the thought that God abandoned her because of who she is, which she is not at all sorry for being. But because people outcast her, and deem her as evil, she questions if she is truly the monster that humans portray her to be. When Sunako thinks she will meet the face of death she cries out that no one will save her because she believes in the eyes of God, she is a monster, but she receives an unexpected response: she is saved and by the person who saves her, tells her that God plays no part with life or death.
There are many things I regret doing and there are many people I never intended to hurt, but sometimes, sometimes I don’t care. Sometimes I don’t believe my actions are wrong, or bad, but I still regret hurting people because of my actions and sometimes, sometimes I don’t care one bit. I don’t care if my actions did hurt someone, because I don’t believe my actions were wrong, or bad. Those actions are a part of me.
Like Sunako, to be rejected by people I love or people in general, because of who I am, hurts and I too question if I am a bad person, because in the eyes of everyone around me, I am monster. I’ve become afraid of myself. Am I a monster? Am I monster because I’m living as the person I am?
I would like to believe that my spirit guides spoke to me through the words of Sunako and Sunako’s savior. That God, or source never said a thing. That source never said what is “good” and what is “bad”. I would like to believe that everyone has both good and bad and we must accept both. If I don’t believe this, then like Sunako, I would be forsaken by God.