I used to believe that I chose my family. I used to believe that the family I was given, I didn’t need. I was wrong. Yes, the friends I choose can become hypothetically my sisters and brothers, but I am bound by blood with my biological sister and biological brothers. Their genetics are sculpted like mine. They are in my life for a reason.
On the other hand, I have the choice to remain in the lives of my friends or I have the choice to leave them in my past. The questions I always ask myself, never silence.
Should I sacrifice myself for this person, or should I let them go?
Am I truly this person’s friend, as they perceive me to be?
I think we can be blinded by the fear of being alone, but being alone is a gift we must give ourselves if the relationship we are in is tarnishing our soul. Do not forget though – you too have the power to harm others, make sure you are being the best friend that you have the capability of being.
A possible guideline that you can follow to realize whether you should leave or not. Also this guideline can make you realize if you are the friend that should be left behind:
- They take, and never give: In a friendship, we shouldn’t be counting how many times we paid for our friend’s meals, or the gas money that should be owed when hanging out. If they are not only costing you money, but also focused only on their own problems and never ask yours, then there is an imbalance in the friendship. There should be a mutual understanding that when a friend needs help, you’ll be there and vice versa.
- A convenient friend: You are constantly calling your friend to make plans and they only agree to spend time with you when it is convenient for them or they call you only when they are in need. Remember though, if your friend has important obligations to attend to, then give them space, but if they are constantly putting you as a second choice , it is time to let go of them.
- Values and interests do not coincide: If values and interests do not coincide, it is difficult to express yourself completely. You or your friend may feel the need to sacrifice themself to create a “harmonized” relationship, which is not healthy for either of you.
- They are emotionally depleting: You should be there for your friend when they are at their lowest, but if your friend is constantly focusing on the negative even after you confront them about it, it is time to move forward.
- Drive you to insanity – If your friend’s actions bother you and you can’t bring yourself to accept them for what they do, or if you don’t have the courage to confront them about their actions then these are obvious pointers that your friendship is not a healthy one.
- They are unsupportive – At first I believed that we should tell our friends to not make the decisions we believe aren’t the right choice, but it is not your decision to make. We should always support our friends even if they make mistakes. Let them learn and be there for them when they need you. Of course you can tell them other options they can take, but don’t make them feel that they are doing something wrong. If your friend isn’t doing this, it may be time to reconsider your friendship.
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