Don’t let them fool you, you’re not the problem.

 

To all the women who have been used by men,

It is not your fault.

Personal Experience:

Initially I thought it was my sexuality that was the problem. That I was too forward. Even if I established that I did want a real relationship, and not a fling, and the other party agreed, I was still used. I thought how ridiculous it was when a male friend told me they don’t take women seriously if they are “easy” and that these type of women aren’t perceived as girlfriend material because they do not respect themselves. I was so angry and thought how stupid that sounded. I do respect myself – I’m simply open about my sexuality. I respect myself to end relationships with men who only use me, but I thought to myself that I guess because men are so stupid to not realize that, I will have to repress my sexual urges and go slow. Well I did that, and even when I did and I said I wanted to only be friends and see where that leads us, I was rejected. I was rejected because he said he was not satisfied with simply being my friend and that I wouldn’t engage in a sexual relationship with him. Well this made me finally realize that I was never the problem.

When I engaged in a sexual relationship, I clearly communicated with the other party that I was interested in an actual relationship and they told me they felt the same, but in the end they had the nerve to say that I wasn’t girlfriend material, because I was too “easy”. Well I took a different approach and didn’t even give the slightest hint of desiring an intimate relationship in the early stage of friendship. When I was approached by the other party that they wanted to be intimate, I didn’t want them to get the wrong idea so I clearly stated that I wanted to be friends. In the end I was told that they couldn’t be friends with me because they were not satisfied enough. Yup, I definitely learned. I learned that I was not the problem and those guys were stupid. They only wanted to use me for their own purposes, without any consideration of my opinion.

Advice:

Don’t give up. Yes I don’t have a success story, but we deserve better. We are not objects. Don’t settle either. I’ve made the mistake for settling for something less than for what I wanted and of course I still got hurt. Communicate with the other party and ensure that they want the same thing with you.  Trust your gut, if they’re lying, ditch them. They don’t deserve you. If you want to be in a sexual relationship with no strings attached, go ahead, just make sure you are not being used.

 

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