There are five different types of love languages according to Gary Chapman and each person communicates with them differently. It’s important to know your partner’s love languages, so you can find the source of relationship problems and use the means to fix it. For instance, if I was to attempt to salvage the last relationship I had, which I would never do because he was NOT AT ALL right for me… and a terrible boyfriend, I would try to communicate with my ex that I need physical touch in public, not sexually, but hand-holding or even my hand resting on his forearm. None of that was allowed because it made him feel uncomfortable, but I believe it hurt me more. He couldn’t show me affection other than sexual gestures in private. It made me feel as if I was an object for his own pleasure, not his girlfriend.
The five types of love languages are:
Words of Affirmation:
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important – hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Kind, encouraging, and positive words are truly life-giving.
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous – so would the absence of everyday gestures. Gifts are visual representations of love and are treasured greatly.
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face – they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Physical touch fosters a sense of security and belonging in any relationship.
Acts of Service:
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Finding ways to serve speaks volumes to the recipient of these acts.
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there – with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby – makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Quality Time also means sharing quality conversation and quality activities.
My Top Love Languages: Quality time, acts of service, and physical touch. Quality time is my top language and acts of service and physical touch change orders depending on my mood. Words of affirmation and gift giving are important to me, but not on a day to day basis. They are also not as important to me then the other three.
Joe easily fulfills my physical touch need. In public, he’ll surprise me by intertwining his hand into mine or he’ll kiss me on the cheek. The issue with quality time is that we are often spending time at his house and occasionally I’ll be left alone for a bit, sometimes 30 min, because he has to deal with family issues. I get so frustrated sometimes and I remember once I was tempted to leave because he had been gone for an hour and a half, but I understand he has other things to attend to and I was seeing him almost every day. Because we now see each other only about once a week, that’s changed. But, if it does arise again, I will speak to him about it because I want our relationship to work.
Joe’s Top Love Languages: He scored equally on acts of service, quality time, and words of affirmation. I definitely feel like I need to use more words of affirmation toward him especially since because he’s so good at it with me. He’s always complimenting me, telling me he loves me, and I feel so terrible because when I put how I feel into words it doesn’t feel authentic to me, so I tend to say very little. But, I know I need to work on that, so he can see how much I love and admire him.
Find out your Top Love Languages Here: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/