A breakup is tough. It’s not like cutting a single thread with scissors, but more like a dull butter knife carving it’s way through a woven rope with hundreds of threads. Each thread represents a memory, a hope, a tie to your ex. It’s a slow and painful process. You may even go through the 5 stages of grief. I know I’m still going through it, and it’s been 3 months. There are:
You may experience these stages in order and one by one, but you may experience them in different orders and some at the same time. Here’s my experience.
- Denial. When my ex and I first broke up, I denied it so hard. I didn’t tell people we had broken up. When people asked me how my ex was doing, I’d smile, and tell them that he was fine. I’d tell myself that we were getting back together, and that our fight would blow over soon.
- Anger. After it sunk in that perhaps it really was over between my ex and I, I became angry. I wasn’t angry at my ex. For some reason, I just can’t direct my anger towards him, but I wish I was able to, reasonably. Instead I was angry at the whole world. I would get angry for no apparent reason, and I’d snap at my family. At the time I didn’t see that it was a stage of experiencing grief.
- Bargaining. I had blocked my ex in all social media because I didn’t want to stalk him and obsess over him. I also didn’t want to see when he moved on. But, what I didn’t do was block his phone number. I felt like I still had to have an open channel. I wasn’t ready to close the door completely. But, this was me bargaining. I kept telling myself that maybe in the future we could be together, and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever find the love I had for my ex, so I kept the channel open.
- Depression. I have a history of depression, so it’s no wonder that I’ve had depressing thoughts since the beginning. Initially though I felt like I couldn’t move forward. I felt broken. I felt like I lost a huge part of me. The depressing thoughts came back again after I closed the door completely (after I blocked his cell). Emptiness took it’s place inside of me, and the fear returned that I couldn’t find someone who would love me and see me for me.
- Acceptance. I think I’ve been in this stage since after my denial stage. It’s not a full understanding of acceptance, but a slowly creeping understanding of it. Acceptance does not equate to happiness, but nonetheless, I can move forward with my life.
Longing for Redemption: This article discusses why self love is essential to have a healthy relationship. And, how your experiences from childhood affects your relationships today.
Cheating Time and Again: Scott M.D. Stanley, a researcher for marital and family affairs, delves into the topic of infidelity, and addresses the question: if once a cheater, always a cheater?
7 ways to keep your breakup from making you bitter: I think the best advice I took away from this was learning to forgive yourself.
8 Signs You’re Over Your Ex + Ready to Start Dating Again: I think some of us might think is it too early to date again? Or maybe some of us don’t think this, and jump into relationships when we clearly aren’t ready to.
Note: When I see this dance it reminds me of my relationship with my ex. He wasn’t controlling, but rather I had given the power over to him. My happiness felt like it was determined by how our relationship was doing. All I saw was him, and nothing else. I couldn’t focus on my familial relations, my friendships, my dreams, and career. I couldn’t see me and what I wanted. I tried, but to no avail; I was bewitched.
Journey to Self Love Series:
- Soul Mate Wishlist // Journey to Self Love
- Undependence (Stop Looking for Outside Approval) // My Journey to Self-Love