Break-Up Edit: My Experience with Grief + Articles + Music // Journey to Self-Love

breakup edit

A breakup is tough. It’s not like cutting a single thread with scissors, but more like a dull butter knife carving it’s way through a woven rope with hundreds of threads. Each thread represents a memory, a hope, a tie to your ex. It’s a slow and painful process. You may even go through the 5 stages of grief. I know I’m still going through it, and it’s been 3 months.  There are:

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Depression
  • Acceptance

You may experience these stages in order and one by one, but you may experience them in different orders and some at the same time. Here’s my experience.

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  • Denial. When my ex and I first broke up, I denied it so hard. I didn’t tell people we had broken up. When people asked me how my ex was doing, I’d smile, and tell them that he was fine. I’d tell myself that we were getting back together, and that our fight would blow over soon.
  • Anger. After it sunk in that perhaps it really was over between my ex and I, I became angry. I wasn’t angry at my ex. For some reason, I just can’t direct my anger towards him, but I wish I was able to, reasonably. Instead I was angry at the whole world. I would get angry for no apparent reason, and I’d snap at my family. At the time I didn’t see that it was a stage of experiencing grief.
  • Bargaining. I had blocked my ex in all social media because I didn’t want to stalk him and obsess over him. I also didn’t want to see when he moved on. But, what I didn’t do was block his phone number. I felt like I still had to have an open channel. I wasn’t ready to close the door completely. But, this was me bargaining. I kept telling myself that maybe in the future we could be together, and I wasn’t sure if I’d ever find the love I had for my ex, so I kept the channel open.
  • Depression. I have a history of depression, so it’s no wonder that I’ve had depressing thoughts since the beginning. Initially though I felt like I couldn’t move forward. I felt broken. I felt like I lost a huge part of me. The depressing thoughts came back again after I closed the door completely (after I blocked his cell). Emptiness took it’s place inside of me, and the fear returned that I couldn’t find someone who would love me and see me for me.
  • Acceptance. I think I’ve been in this stage since after my denial stage. It’s not a full understanding of acceptance, but a slowly creeping understanding of it. Acceptance does not equate to happiness, but nonetheless, I can move forward with my life.

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Articles:

Longing for Redemption: This article discusses why self love is essential to have a healthy relationship. And, how your experiences from childhood affects your relationships today.

Cheating Time and Again: Scott M.D. Stanley, a researcher for marital and family affairs, delves into the topic of infidelity, and addresses the question: if once a cheater, always a cheater?

7 ways to keep your breakup from making you bitter: I think the best advice I took away from this was learning to forgive yourself.

8 Signs You’re Over Your Ex + Ready to Start Dating Again: I think some of us might think is it too early to date again? Or maybe some of us don’t think this, and jump into relationships when we clearly aren’t ready to.

 

Note: When I see this dance it reminds me of my relationship with my ex. He wasn’t controlling, but rather I had given the power over to him. My happiness felt like it was determined by how our relationship was doing. All I saw was him, and nothing else. I couldn’t focus on my familial relations, my friendships, my dreams, and career. I couldn’t see me and what I wanted. I tried, but to no avail; I was bewitched.

 

Journey to Self Love Series:

 

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18 thoughts on “Break-Up Edit: My Experience with Grief + Articles + Music // Journey to Self-Love

  1. For some people, depression comes first before the bargaining; but some have bargaining first. I actually went through all of those stages, too, but I think the most important lesson I’ve learned or we can all learn from breakups is self-love. When someone no longer loves us, we learn to love ourselves.

    Hope you feel better! Huuugs! This, too, shall pass. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Nicely written. I think for everyone it;s somewhat the same, the same ingredients but maybe in different orders. I found that guys especially feel fine in the beginning and start feeling bad about later on after, maybe even after months and for most women I know it’s the other way around, the beginning is more difficult, but in time it heals.

    http://www.thegfguide.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you dear! x
      Yes, it’s so interesting to see the difference between sexes and the way we experience grief. I think it’s actually better to get the pain over with from the start haha

      Like

  3. I’ve never been through a breakup myself because I’ve never been in a relationship (lol) so I cannot say I understand what it’s like but from what I’ve heard it can be a painful experience especially if you thought you would stay with a particular person for your whole life.. Thank you for sharing your story and always believe that better things and people are yet to come ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Man, it’s so lovely to see the support from women I get here. Thank you! xoxo
      It especially hurt so much because he was my first love, and even if I was the one who ended things, it didn’t hurt any less! But, like you said, eventually we see that new doors open too 🙂 And, there’s a lesson to learn in every relationship!

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  4. oh my gosh, I haven’t seen that dance in years. SYTYCD had so many gorgeous performances on it.
    I’m glad you’ve partly moved into the acceptance stage. It’s so important to be honest and real with yourself to move forward. I see so many people just stuck in denial and it’s really hard to watch. There’s just this emptiness in them and an almost refusal on their part to acknowledge what has happened.
    I hope you’re finding that every day is getting a little easier though.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It did! I used to watch it so much when I was younger! I have yet to see someone in the denial stage, aside from myself, so I can’t say what it must be like from an objective point of view. But, I’m sure it is painful! It is getting much easier, thank you! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

    1. It was! Thank you dear. And, I’m sorry that you had to go through something similar. I hope you are doing better though. Lots of love! xoxo

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  5. I’m so glad you’re doing better. Honestly, I know it sounds cliche but everything happens for a reason and breaking up with your ex has given you an opportunity to grow as a person. All these lessons you’ve learnt you can bring with you to your next relationship xx

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Break ups are the absolute hardest! And your right there are several phases, and it all requires time to heal. I am glad you are doing better. I love the playlist you have for this time. Music is super healing for me as well. Sending you lots of love! Xo, Ellese

    Rock.Paper.Glam.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Ellese, There were so much songs I wanted to add to the playlist, but I wanted to keep it short. It is very therapeutic!

      Like

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